I'm trying to remember...

Remember how it felt to run. For no reason. To run just for the joy of running. I used to run 2 miles a day, all through high school, then for years up until we moved here. I thought it was 2, until today that I mentioned to a friend that I knew where my 2 mile mark was because I used to run to my neighbor's house when we lived in Washington (TX, not DC) and she lived almost exactly 2 miles away. Then friend said "Then how would you get back?", to which I replied, "Well, run back of course!". To which she mentioned "Then you ran 4 miles, not 2". DUH! So cool, I used to run 4 miles. And I do remember loving it. I'd wear my oldest pair of worn running shoes, put my hair up, and off I went. Sometimes alone, sometimes the kids would tag along on bikes. My best runs were out in Old Washington. There was some straight road and then a slight hill, which I dreaded when I would start, but loved the challenge every time, then would love the boost going down hill. I loved waving at the neighbors, then running at the speed of light when their dogs were loose. It was on one of these runs that my then 3 year old son insisted I take off his training wheels on from his bike because he couldn't go fast enough to keep up with me. I told him ,"Once they come off I'm not putting them back on"....and they've never gone back on.

Mainly, I miss my time with God when I would run. I wouldn't carry anything to listen to music. I remember running with my face looking towards the sky and talking with God. I knew the road well - I didn't have to worry where my feet fell. Sometimes I would walk and talk....sometimes I would stop and listen. Sometimes there was no talking...just the feeling of companionship.

I remember the days He uplifted me with a gentle breeze. I remember the days pleading for that breeze but felt none. I remember the lessons He taught through watching a cloud, a stream, an animal (dead or alive), or the traffic.

I also remember the satisfaction running brought me. That feeling like I had just done something magnificent for my body. I had just given it a gift. Sometimes I would push myself a little farther just to surprise myself at how amazing this body God had given me was. There were also the days it was all I could do to keep from asking my neighbor for a ride home.

I want to start running again. As I was contemplating how I would make my body endure the few weeks of torture that it takes to get accustomed to running again I started to wonder "Why?". I need to know why I used to love running so much - to give me inspiration to do it again. Is this something I can realistically do again? Do I have the time? Can my knees still take it ?(they crackle every time I bend) Can running down my street give me the same satisfaction as I had when I ran down those country roads? Should I not hold those expectations?

Well, I guess there's only one way to find out. Even if I don't make it as a runner again, I'm sure walking would be good for me, too. Any runners out there that can offer some inspiration ......I feel I'll be needing it...desperately.